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he invited me over under the ruse of a movie night, but i knew better. still, it didn’t stop me from going over. i stayed at home long enough to not feel guilty about it. i made a nice dinner(steak ad eggs) and cleaned up afterwards, without any nagging. when the king tried to help me dry the dishes, i poured him a beer and told him to rest, go watch some sports. he seemed surprised, thankful, and not the least bit suspicious. men don’t have the same knowing as we women do. hell, i can smell it on him if he’s even thinking about another woman’s ankle. anyway, i’m getting off track, the point is, the kid asked me to come and i was heading out the door. i kissed the foreheads and the eyelids of my sleeping cherubs(and breathed them in), grabbed my keys, said goodbye and left,

When i got to the kid’sdowntown apartment, the lights were off. he buzzed me in and led me to the lounge where there a dozen lit candles, shoved deep into throats of cheap, old wine bottles. I was touched. What a romantic setting! He handed me a glass of pinot and we sat on the couch together, legs just barely touching. “have you seen Lolita?” he asked. I had, because i’m 15 years older than him, but i didn’t want to remind myself of that: “No,…is that Nabokov?” I queried (knowing full well who wrote the bloody thing having studied it literally DECADES ago at uni)i, and he smiled and said that no, it was a newer, better version. His generation was always looking for a newer, shinier version of everything. So, what did he see in me?

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the air hangs heavy between us since your little bitch fit.

my anger knows no bounds.

i threaten you in my head, empty threats.

I’ll leave you! i will! I say to myself

As i grill some chicken breasts on the BBQ

I can’t get over how much their flesh resembles my own

i am grilling myself over these flames

Some women eat their own placentas

I would rather chew off my own hand than stay here

With you

 

well i wrote something no one else could possibly write and then this fucking computer wouldn’t post it. fucking karma. fucking arrogance.

i’m tired of wasting my time in

the same old jobs where i’m looking for the answer

at the bottom of a dirty sink.

My hands ache like they’ve been useful but

this work is purposeless.

I feed the weak

they have hollow bones.

 

i like it when i can see the cheeky flash of your gold tooth. it reminds me of when we were reckless, young and dumb. when you talk about the old days, i know that tooth throbs.

we’re stuck in a beautiful trap.

This is new terroir.

A promise to myself that i choose to refuse to break.

Her memory comes up like reflux. Her face, twisted in a bitter, scrunched up way, as she scoffs at all that I’m telling her. Throwning her stones, breaking shit, fucking me up. In my own house! I fed her. For years, I fed her and all she’s ever done is throw the scraps back in my face.